Many of you know that few things in life bring me greater satisfaction than obliterating wrinkles and creases with a hot, steamy iron. However, many of you also know that I’m not the world’s best sleeper — sleep doesn’t come naturally to me, and once captured, it’s usually fitful until the last few hours. So, extending that last stretch of sleep as long as possible is critical for me.
Enter Downy Wrinkle Releaser, a handy product that efficiently corrects the small insults my clothes incur in the closet and dresser. This spray easily cuts my getting-ready time by at least 10 minutes. Simply put, I love it.
Dry shampoo has changed my life in a similar way. Not only does eliminating the need to wash, dry and “style” my hair every day (though rest assured, I do shampoo with real shampoo and water every other day) save me several minutes each morning, but it also lessens the wear and tear on my hair, which I’ve successfully managed to grow out to its longest length in a long, long time. Of the brands I’ve tried — Oscar Blandi, T3 and Salon Grafix — I like the Oscar Blandi shampoo in powder or spray form best, for it smells the least like a pet grooming product.
On the other end of the Rock and Roll Grammarian Consumer-Happiness Spectrum lies Zyrtec. Although it is true that I haven’t sneezed once since I took one 10 mg tablet at 11 p.m. yesterday, it is also true that I have been uncommonly groggy since I took one 10 mg tablet at 11 p.m. yesterday.
In an attempt to overcome the aforementioned grogginess, I consumed the following: two energy drinks, three cups of coffee and three pieces of chocolate. My fatigue and dizziness were so bad — all day! — that as I was headed home after finally giving up for the day, a total stranger in the elevator said, “You look really tired.” New Yorkers generally don’t offer up such observations. I briefly explained my situation to her, and she said, “Please go home and get some rest, honey.” Again, I had never seen this woman before in my life.
I got home before 6 p.m., briefly logged on to see what work was left to be done, and then collapsed onto my bed — still fully clothed — and passed out for more than two hours.
Anyway, Zyrtec, your active ingredients will not enter my bloodstream again unless I know I don’t have to think or walk for at least 24 hours afterward.
And with that, I’m going back to bed.