I ask this in the name of science

After some consideration, I’ve decided the aforementioned ritual’s soothing properties may arise from a combination of rabid, animalistic gnawing accompanied by the known numbing qualities of alcohol. Controlled studies are needed, of course. I highly encourage the public to try my method and report the results to this site. And for you vegetarians out there, well, there’s always meditation.



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4 responses to “I ask this in the name of science

  1. Duh, there’s always Tofurky Jerky! I usually have a Tofurky-provolone-roasted red pepper sandwich on the nights I teach.

  2. take it from my former roomate, nothing makes you feel better than a good old-fashioned beef jerky sandwich

  3. After so many year of insomnia, I’ve just given up; except for one BIG plan –an invention of sorts–: A train ride simulator.When I was living in Toronto, a co-worker (and fellow insomniac) and I often ran into each other on the train, en route to work. We both passed out on the train, every time.The train simulator would have virtual reality goggles and and earphones, and a moving (angling) and vibrating chair. The harder and more uncomfortable, the better.Cheers!

  4. Don’t forget Primal Strips and Stonewall’s Jerky, both vegan. Mmm mmm good.

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